Self Discovery

Can turning off our capacity to feel shut down our capacity to heal? Our nervous system is working on over drive, at some point can shut down due to overload?

For the many years that I spent numbing out and chemically functioning through life, either on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, over the counter meds, drugs, alcohol, yet I hid it so well. I was still “functioning” and “responsible”, still doing my job as a mother, wife, an employee, taking care of our home but inside felt lost. As I’ve mentioned before, in 2017 I finally gave in to meditation, (specifically a Kundalini Yoga meditation called Kirtan Kriya; a simple mantra repeating Sa Ta Na Ma while touching my thumb with each sound to each finger tip). I was so desperate to feel change, to feel better, was wanting to move away from substances and also needed to try something different it in hopes that my daughter would try it as well because at a young age she was experiencing anxiety (which really was my undealt emotions). I had no expectations, honestly I was almost wanting to say “ha, see it doesn’t work for everyone”. But out of the blue I began to feel different, calmer, focused, clear for the first time.

The part that comes next not sure everyone will experience but rather quickly my senses began to sharpen, heighten, unexpectedly one night I heard guitar strings strumming out of no where, I would hear my name being called, even heard a choir of angels after a silent 45 minute meditation, flooded with different smells, strange at first but then I began to feel a rush of love, elation, bliss, ecstasy. I had hit that sweet spot where I was in a elevated state of awareness. I felt so connected to God, to the Universe that I couldn’t wait to meditate again. Experience after experience of a mystical loving nature. I began to connect with Angelic energy, my highest self, just an all loving presence and felt so present in presence. It was a feeling that surpassed any drug, as if we know it is possible to reach that point of absolute and we chase it our whole lives through our addictions. And not just chemical/substance abuse but chasing the high that shopping gives us, that gambling, that eating, that relationships, that even stress gives us, to fill the emotional void. Except for a whole year I was able to maintain this feeling even outside of meditation. Not the elation part but a steady feeling of joy, nothing bothered me, I had reached a level of clarity. It was like my Divine mind, heart and soul were all in alignment with God, the all that is almost all the time.

And just like everything else in my life, when I thought I mastered that I moved away from Kundalini Yoga and honestly never tried the array of breath work it provides along with the science to back up why the sound current of the mantras, the hand movements, the breathing techniques help to reprogram our subconscious mind and nervous system to bring us to whole balance.

Prior to the Dark Night of the Soul experience in May 2018, I would say around February, March 2018 I began to have a lot of self doubt, fear began to creep back in, after I became attuned to Reiki and began self healing which in turn made me take a deeper look at what I could no longer run from, the lies I had been telling myself. See although I was doing everything “right” on the outside, I really had not done the inner work (a complete spiritual bypass) and on my soul’s path it required that I have a deeper understanding of my blocks. Kundalini Yoga, is the yoga of awareness combined with Reiki Energy healing there was no more pretending, no more tolerance for the false self anymore. Although I try to stay away from labels now, I didn’t know I was an empath, I didn’t know we are all psychically gifted, I thought only those that were worthy not me were so inclined. As the planet continues to shift we are waking up more and more every day. Our level of awareness will continue to feel uncomfortable unless we do something to truly bring balance to our whole system.

I’ve been told we have the technology to keep up with this technological time we live in, but this technology is within all. Through practices that use the breath, sound, mantra, stillness, movement, ways of working with the body, we can reach a level of awareness of Conciousness that surpasses any computer program because we our Conciousness which is the cloud of wisdom, our heart is the mother board, and our Soul and Spirit are the directors that orchestrate it all alongside God, the light.

Inner Truth

On my journey of uncovering and remembering my inner truth I was reminded today that with the plethora of options and opinions of others, this can not be found or remembered by using logic (although logic has it’s place) but desires of the soul, of the heart are felt through the subtle senses. Stop looking outside for answers. Get quiet and ask questions to receive the truest answers that are in complete resonance with you. Breathe, use mantra, trust as you sit, the sounds, smells, impressions, feelings and the inner knowing is the truth you search for. It’s time to fully let go and trust what you receive (even if it goes against all logic). As we are living in a time where answers are within the quantum field of reality.

Sound Healing Frequency

joyfullyawake

We are all shape shifting, with the way change is a constant in our lives. Rapid energy swirling all around, the Universe asking us to step it up. Not much that we have to do or that has to be done as we are being done whether we realize it or not. Change and new we all desired, especially since we are a culture of the instant, the “I want it right here and right now.” We asked for it, we pushed it forward and now we are in it and some may not know how to handle it. Making decisions can sometimes have us feeling our judgement is clouded, where do we turn when there are so many options. Options are good, aren’t they? Except now everywhere we turn there is a new way of eating, sleeping, meditating, working, parenting, sexing, relation-shipping, who is right? who is wrong? What…

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The Collective Shadow

During the Dark Night of the Soul there was a voice I heard that taunted me, it told me what it looked like to induce fear in me. It was half man and half beast, it’s feet were huge covered with long shaggy hair, it looked like a monster and if I made eye contact with the beast I could be possessed forever (or so it told me). I would try not to look, as it said “I’m standing behind the curtain, go ahead look and you will see me”. As I took a quick glance I could see the curtain bulged out and it said “don’t look down or else you will see my feet” and when I glanced it laughed like a child, saying “you can’t see me, I fooled you”. The TV was on and in trying to act normal in front of my husband as The Big Bang Theory played, me starring blankly at the screen, not hearing any word of the show because I was internally battling the beast, my internalized fear. It told me it would go into my subconcius mind and begin to bring things up that I had hidden, one by one memories, secrets, shadows that I had pushed away that caused me to feel guilt, shame and pain. Like the death of my brother in law, things I did as a young adult, as a child, my fear of spiders, addiction, sex, parenting, mistakes I made, and when I couldn’t take it any more I threatened the beast by saying I will tell my husband what was going on within my mind and the beast knowing it would loose it’s power and hold over me the moment I spoke up, reminded me what would happen if I shared and told “your husband will have a heart attack and you will have another stroke.” I began to feel my arm go numb, and my face began to droop as if the beginning of a stroke, and in my mind I agreed, ok I won’t tell. I had become a prisoner to my own fear, my ego, my lower self, a possession due to giving up my power to the part of me that thrives off my secrets, shame and guilt, that if left unattended becomes so large like a scary entity. The part that we are so afraid of facing but that will unconsciously control us like a puppet until we do.

I share this story because this feeds off of our shame, fear, guilt, our secrets that we hide but all share. Right now there is a collective death going on, the death of the Collective Ego, this part of ascension that is so painful, it’s where we loose most of our physical assets, jobs, homes, relationships, money, ideals outside of us that we made real by placing a lot of value on them. That come to the surface so we can be stripped down to the only things that truly matter. This is where old programming has to breakdown, literally! Where we will feel abandoned by God and the Ego will try to hold on for dear life, will have us doing things that seem so insane and out of character in ways that people around us may not even recognize who we are any longer because it’s not you.

If we understand this, perhaps we can have empathy and compassion towards the people in the world right now that are playing into the fear, reactions based on feeling locked up, controlled, out of control, loss, lost, scared and confused. The fight, flight, freeze survival mechanism is large at play but the more we are aware, the more we can connect to our Higher Self, the True and only Self, the more we can surrender to the process, and let go of the illusions that we made from this false world that has nothing that we need or want.

The New Earth is a new way of thinking, a shift in perception, an opportunity to thrive in a higher frequency of Quantum energy where we are no longer controlled by the puppeteer, the Ego. The 5th dimension allows for complete alignment with God, with Love and to let go of the love that we have redefined and made out of control. But now there is a connection to true, pure Love of our Soul, our higher self, our God Self, the only one Self that exists, again everything else is an illusion that we have made. Take your power back, go within, and become the alchemist of life.

There are many ways in which we can do this. Begin by being extremely curious, ask Why constantly, question everything. Journal and write your feelings out on paper. Meditate, exercise, walk outside, shut your phone down and the news off. Get still and get in touch with that part of you that wants you to grasp the opportunity to heal and rise up above the midst of all the chaos.

A Message from the Sophia Code

I was guided to share this passage from Mother Mary’s tranmission from the book “The Sophia Code: A Living Transmission from The Sophia Dragon Tribe” by Kaia Ra.

“Your destiny is designed to create a life for you that feels joyful, successful, connected, supported, loved, guided, and new – every day. Your destiny has many predetermined goals, for both your personal and planetary evolution, but remember that fulfilling your destiny is to be enjoyed as a spiral path, celebrating every unfolding petal along the way. Life, and fulfilling your destiny, is truly designed by your Oversoul to feel that good and rewarding. When you choose to follow your heart’s guidance you are rewarded with the treasures of your soul. It is up to you to access your inner resolve and commit to making this journey yourself, for it is impossible for anyone else to fulfill your destiny. Every step that you take to honor your true interests allows your Higher Self to magnetize every collaborative component of support, synchronicity, miracles, and manifestations for the success of your unfolding destiny. Everything outside of you that is positively supporting your journey is a blessing or messenger of encouragement from your Higher Self. Fulfilling your destiny is how to give and receive all the divine love you have ever wanted to experience in this lifetime. It is the story of you remembering how in love you are with yourself, as The Beloved. Fulfilling your destiny is also the story of discovering how much you love the gift of life and All of Creation. The adventure of your destiny provides the opportunity to discover that divine love in new ways, every day, for a lifetime. Your destiny was the best promise you ever made to yourself and you deserve to receive the gift of its fulfillment.”

Serenity &Peace

10 Of Water (The Good Tarot by Colette Baron-Reid)


10 Of Water- Serenity, peace, good fortune, well-being (10 is the energy of completion and firm endings of cycles, manifestation, where we experience concrete results. And water is associated with our emotions, our Heart and the way that our feelings move things along).

All is well with the world and with me. Well-being is my natural state. Everything I need comes to me easily and effortlessly. I feel joy and express it to others as I look around and see all the love that we share. I take pleasure in all I have accomplished. Whatever attention I receive or don’t receive, I am serene, for I know full well what it took for me get where I am. I celebrate myself and all who traveled the road with me and feel grateful to Spirit for being my companion always.

Twice this week I asked what do I need to know? What is the message you have for me that is for the highest and greatest good? And twice this card was given to me as a message but not just to me but to you as well. At first I hesitated in sharing as it felt insensitive and I felt guilty for feeling good, during this time when so many are feeling so far from peace and well-being. Except this is exactly where I have been and what I have been feeling. In the midst of fear, chaos and uncertainty not just on the planet but within my own home, I feel love, I feel peace and I feel so certain that everything is okay. Yes I have moments of anxiousness but they quickly pass. I am sharing this message because this is what I have been told over and over and over again by the Guides, Angels and my Higher Self. All the hours of selfcare, of going within, of self reflection, of meditation, of yoga, journaling, Self Reiki practice, all the inner work I have done and many times just wanted to give up but was told “Please Vivian don’t give up”. They promised me all this “training”, that I had been doing was with great purpose and will make sense. That we have the technology and this technology exist within us, through our breath, we are upgrading our system. That I will be able to connect with Source and feel love even in the moments that can have most spiraling out of control.

The time is now to begin. As everyone can see systems are breaking down to create new one’s. Everyone wants to go back to normal but ask yourself was our old “normal” truly working? Perhaps we can ask our future selves what would a new “normal” look and feel like for you? Can you include something new or take something out of your daily “normal” routine to bring more peace and balance into your daily life. This is the time to begin to figure out what that may look like for you and your family. With lots of love to all.

April 2020 Card Reading

Messenger of Air- Opinions informed by experience, adherence to dogma, allegiance to a way of thinking or acting, a learned response, subconscious programming, and swift reactions or responses.

The Element of Air has to do with the mind and how we have been programmed to certain belief systems and thought patterns. The Messenger is the catalyst for change and responds to situations and the need for transformation. This holds so true for where we have been and how we are a product of this old thinking. We are now able to broaden our perspective by quickly moving, evolving and ensuring our actions are for the highest good where positive outcomes are assured. “I am reacting to a situation from my past. I have to think about whether I want to do things the old way or respond differently this time.” “I can adapt a new way of thinking and behaving.” We are truly being asked to question all that we have been taught and told right now. To be able uncover what is the truth.

Fool- Enthusiasm

This where we are now. Being asked to trust our intuitive nature, our inner guidance which can never steer us wrong. This will not always follow the path of logic, in fact we are being asked to take a spiritual approach to what is happening in our lives and sometimes that can seem impractical. When this card shows up, it is time to take risk and trust that with faith, anything is possible. Spirit will reveal the signs and symbols along the way and we just need to be open. “I am meant to experience this regardless of where I travel”. Even though it seems as though the world is coming to an end we are on this journey together and it is just beginning. Trust.

Page of Fire- Enthusiastic action, adventurousness, venturing forth, beginning a project, acting on a new idea.

I love this card as it continues to tell the story of where we are headed. The Page card represents new beginnings and change and the Fire Element is the action that we have taken that has lead us to where we are headed (the result of our actions). This card tells me that we are venturing forth to our truest desires in life that are in alignment with our true nature. We are ready to serve our highest purpose aligned with our higher selves. This will not look like what we have always done in the past or what we were told to do but truly a new beginning guided by our co-creation with Spirit. “I am finding my purpose as I take the first step into something new”.

(The Good Tarot by Colette Baron-Reid).

Dark Night of the Soul

As I come up to the 2 year mark after my Dark Night of the Soul experience, the Divine guidance I receive is “share the experience”. No more tip toeing around, people are being awoken and some may not make it through unless they know what they are experiencing. Although very difficult, it really is the biggest blessing in disguise and when some of the most profound transformations take place. I compare it to a caterpillar going through it’s many stages of becoming a butterfly. It can not be stopped, otherwise this Divine intervention will not allow your wings to break free from the cocoon and the beautiful butterfly may never fully emerge into her greatness. It’s when we descend into the darkness so the light can be shined upon it. To fully heal our shadows, like an initiation into another layer of our truth. Out of this most uncomfortable experience we are shown the Truth, so our soul can fully emerge and integrate to stay in alignment on our path into our life’s mission. It is the death of the false self (some call it the Ego) to allow the soul to fully integrate and union with God. During this integration process, everything emerges and can feel like one disaster after another where old lifeless patterns are resurfacing again and again so we can stop the B.S. and exam our lives with a fine tooth comb.

Our soul will no longer allow the excuses, will no longer allow us to play small and if we do, we shall not sulk in a corner and feel pity or play the victim any longer. We must accept where we are and who we are. Our soul knows the power we hold within and needs things to be shaken up to wake us out of this sleep walking path that we’ve been on. It is such a bizarre thing to go through and for many this Shamanic initiation process in it’s realness, are shown the mystical parts of life, where we have to stop asking “how did that just happen?”, sometimes we need to accept the miracles of life. Accept that there is higher power greater than us, through true surrender. When we can fully fall to our knees and say “Dear God, I don’t know how to do this”. Which really was the only way I personally was able to get through this process, when I stopped fighting, when I stopped running and stopped hiding and faced the demons. I am in the process of writing about this experience, as part of my creation and to help those going through this spiritual crisis from being diagnosed as a psychological one. More and more people are being possessed by fear so that we can move through it and emerge into the loving, compassionate beings we truly are. As we are all undergoing a massive awakening to heal as the collective to remember the Oneness of Unity Consciousness. The poem below puts the experience in it’s simplest form (I wrote this while deep in the healing process after a period of what most would call psychosis but was really was my awakening. I was in and out of different realities, dimensions, living life on both sides and realize now I was being shown what we are all going through and what is to come).

Dark of the Soul
Ocean waves moving in motion like our never-ending crashing emotions, smashing against the tide when we don’t trust our inner guide,
Everywhere I go, nowhere to hide from the anger and disappointment that I feel inside, the resentment that arises from memories when I felt I didn’t have a voice or a choice.

Would not, could not speak up and out for myself,
At work, at home, it seems everywhere I turn, carefully walking on eggshells, as slowly pieces inside of me began to chip away at all my dreams and desires until I completely lost my way.
Ungrounded, astounded by the tearful, fearful person in the mirror who has lost her natural state to want to create.
Job-less, car-less, emotion-less, devotion-less…….a sad feeling of emptiness.

STOP….Breathe, take a moment to be present, face this fear, do not give it any more power and do not allow all that self-abusive chatter to get louder and louder.
Have I really lost everything or have I just began?
Remembering who I really am.

Through strength, faith and true desire to create, remembering I came here to thrive not just survive.
Live for today and a better tomorrow, leave all the self-doubt and abuse for a positive attitude and a life of gratitude.
I believe in myself, for within is the pure love, truth, the light of my soul, my inner spirit that chose to live Heaven on Earth
With A dream, A desire, beyond expansion with passion and fire.

Planetary Shift 2020

The major shift continues to take place across the planet now.  As we have been telling you to prepare for the planetary change by letting go and allowing. Now is the time for a major shift in humanity, a shift in perception, opening people’s awareness, to come together as the collective consciousness. To understand the oneness, you feel the shift and this shift is taking place worldwide. The great release, the great purge of negative energy, energetic emotions, as it is time for the way showers, the teachers, the light workers, the spiritual leaders of the world to take action, to shine their light. To bring humanity together in peace, love, compassion, as your planet needs it now in order for humanity to progress collectively to begin the ripple effect of uplifting out of the darkness and into the light. Remember it begins with you, as you ascend, as you connect directly to divine source energy, the uplifting begins. You are powerful, full of love, compassion. These messages are much-needed now to help the seekers, non-seekers, the one’s that are not yet aware, the one’s that are now being awoken, as we help you to show you the way, you help others.

You must trust, have faith, believe in a better way, to remember who you really are, releasing the limiting beliefs, deep within the subconscious.  Connect to pure source, to bring back the truth of who humanity truly is.  For now is the time and it begins with you, beautiful loving being of light, it’s time for more and more people to be of service to others in a loving compassionate way. And as the wave begins collectively you all rise above out of darkness, density, negativity and into the light, beauty and truth.  Trust, have faith and stand in your truth, let go of the limiting beliefs for collectively the planet is ready for a change. Believe it can be done, help others and show them the way. Call upon us but remember to listen for the guidance within.

Remember all shall pass, the heaviness, the deep purge, once fully released is vibrancy, God connection, clarity, light filled, celebration of life. Through this healing process of humanity, compassion on a deeper level for one another will collectively be shown, be felt, move into the heart, more thinking from the heart, that will uplift and bring togetherness, to feel the oneness, to remember the truth, to know through a new awareness all is well. The falsehood of what is from the past, the false of old beliefs will shift the perception collectively to speak up, speak out, feel the presence of love more easily. People are ready for great change. Be ready, stay heart centered, stand in your truth of who you have always been and there will be hope for a better today, a better tomorrow.

Trust

We are being asked to trust. A message from the Angels and Guides!

Trust and have faith in our creator, in the Universe. Everything happens in Divine Order and Divine timing. Always trust that you are being guided towards and onto the path of your purpose, of your divine mission. We will make sure you see the signs and symbols towards the next steps, towards your dreams and desires. We are always with you, guiding you and loving you. We want what is best for you, for it begins with you, your light, your love and how you spread and shine that light upon others.

Trust in yourself, trust your intuition, your psychic senses, for as you can tell they are blossoming more and more everyday. Opening up to other realms. Release any fear you may have regarding this process, it’s only love that we want you to focus on. Love and joy is what your true purpose is, your mission is to share that love and joy with others. It is what will heal your planet, it is what will keep each other going, humanity as a whole. We are all one, each person has an inner light, yours my dear shines extremely bright for we know it begins with you. Keep going within, connect with source, we will continue to connect with you and give you the messages that you ask for but trust and have faith the answers are within you.

Follow your gut feelings in taking your next steps, as that gut feeling is information we have put there to guide you, a download of information that is within. Trust and have faith and you will feel the life of your dreams. Goodbye for now, Goodbye for now, We love you, We love you, We love you.

One last thing, anytime you feel the urge to create, trust that urge, it us nudging you, have confidence that your messages are great!