A journey to uncovering the truth of who I am…our true souls essence.
This journey will be ongoing but at our core we know who we are, the process of transformation and change to get there will be both thrilling and terrifying.
I say this because the pain of not knowing oneself is due to all the patterning and inherited beliefs of others. I was shown through a vision, that many have spent so many years molding into what another expects them to be and we keep trying to live someone else’s life, and are trying to model someone who is also trying to live someone else’s life. A vicious cycle. We have been programmed and mind controlled by forces that do not have humanities best interest at heart. We are not only in a spiritual crisis right now but an identity crisis as well. As little kids we were told “Just be yourself”. To be our self is to know thy Self, the True Self. We must understand that right now in the face of these challenges we are reprogramming and deprogramming false narratives, beliefs and corrupt systems that are breaking down and hold no true power over us. Although they have tried for centuries, now is the time to embody our sovereignty and to take our power back. It’s time to break our silence!!
This audio message came through during my morning practice as I ground, connect to my Higher Self and the Divine Mother. I am being nudged to share.
You’re being called to take grounded action in response to your soul’s calling. To start where you are and begin building in a consistent way. So many people stop themselves from living a soul-led life because they’re waiting to know the destination before taking the first step. But intuition doesn’t work like that. Our soul is always calling us, every moment of every day.
The way to find yourself living in harmony with the cosmos is to listen to your soul’s baby calls and whisphers each and every day, and to take grounded action in the direction of those calls and whispers. You’re being encouraged to start small. Bite-sized! To put one foot in front of the other. To do one thing every day. To break things down into achievable tasks.
Time on Earth goes slower than on other planets. This may cause frustration for Starseeds, who can expect a faster pace of manifestation and thus give up before the seeds begin to sprout. If you resonate with that, it’s time to opt for consistency over urgency. Time to take baby steps in the direction of your calling. To remember that you don’t need to have it all figured out or know exactly where the path is leading you. You don’t have to know every single step along the way before you set out on your great journey. You just need to take the next step.
Startseed Soul Inquiry: What’s one simple baby step you can take in the direction of your soul’s calling?
Be your Self, trust your Self, love your Self and say Yes to your Self is what I’m being asked of daily. Right now we are all being asked to step up and be our truest Self. This is a reminder to allow our children to do the same. There would be so many less problems in the world if we weren’t a bunch of sheep being herded to fit into society’s mold (who created all these rules we were supposed to fit into anyway and to who are we helping by fitting into their wants and desires, in this made society? What agendas are we helping in the big picture?)
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Can turning off our capacity to feel shut down our capacity to heal? Our nervous system is working on over drive, at some point can shut down due to overload?
For the many years that I spent numbing out and chemically functioning through life, either on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, over the counter meds, drugs, alcohol, yet I hid it so well. I was still “functioning” and “responsible”, still doing my job as a mother, wife, an employee, taking care of our home but inside felt lost. As I’ve mentioned before, in 2017 I finally gave in to meditation, (specifically a Kundalini Yoga meditation called Kirtan Kriya; a simple mantra repeating Sa Ta Na Ma while touching my thumb with each sound to each finger tip). I was so desperate to feel change, to feel better, was wanting to move away from substances and also needed to try something different it in hopes that my daughter would try it as well because at a young age she was experiencing anxiety (which really was my undealt emotions). I had no expectations, honestly I was almost wanting to say “ha, see it doesn’t work for everyone”. But out of the blue I began to feel different, calmer, focused, clear for the first time.
The part that comes next not sure everyone will experience but rather quickly my senses began to sharpen, heighten, unexpectedly one night I heard guitar strings strumming out of no where, I would hear my name being called, even heard a choir of angels after a silent 45 minute meditation, flooded with different smells, strange at first but then I began to feel a rush of love, elation, bliss, ecstasy. I had hit that sweet spot where I was in a elevated state of awareness. I felt so connected to God, to the Universe that I couldn’t wait to meditate again. Experience after experience of a mystical loving nature. I began to connect with Angelic energy, my highest self, just an all loving presence and felt so present in presence. It was a feeling that surpassed any drug, as if we know it is possible to reach that point of absolute and we chase it our whole lives through our addictions. And not just chemical/substance abuse but chasing the high that shopping gives us, that gambling, that eating, that relationships, that even stress gives us, to fill the emotional void. Except for a whole year I was able to maintain this feeling even outside of meditation. Not the elation part but a steady feeling of joy, nothing bothered me, I had reached a level of clarity. It was like my Divine mind, heart and soul were all in alignment with God, the all that is almost all the time.
And just like everything else in my life, when I thought I mastered that I moved away from Kundalini Yoga and honestly never tried the array of breath work it provides along with the science to back up why the sound current of the mantras, the hand movements, the breathing techniques help to reprogram our subconscious mind and nervous system to bring us to whole balance.
Prior to the Dark Night of the Soul experience in May 2018, I would say around February, March 2018 I began to have a lot of self doubt, fear began to creep back in, after I became attuned to Reiki and began self healing which in turn made me take a deeper look at what I could no longer run from, the lies I had been telling myself. See although I was doing everything “right” on the outside, I really had not done the inner work (a complete spiritual bypass) and on my soul’s path it required that I have a deeper understanding of my blocks. Kundalini Yoga, is the yoga of awareness combined with Reiki Energy healing there was no more pretending, no more tolerance for the false self anymore. Although I try to stay away from labels now, I didn’t know I was an empath, I didn’t know we are all psychically gifted, I thought only those that were worthy not me were so inclined. As the planet continues to shift we are waking up more and more every day. Our level of awareness will continue to feel uncomfortable unless we do something to truly bring balance to our whole system.
I’ve been told we have the technology to keep up with this technological time we live in, but this technology is within all. Through practices that use the breath, sound, mantra, stillness, movement, ways of working with the body, we can reach a level of awareness of Conciousness that surpasses any computer program because we our Conciousness which is the cloud of wisdom, our heart is the mother board, and our Soul and Spirit are the directors that orchestrate it all alongside God, the light.
On my journey of uncovering and remembering my inner truth I was reminded today that with the plethora of options and opinions of others, this can not be found or remembered by using logic (although logic has it’s place) but desires of the soul, of the heart are felt through the subtle senses. Stop looking outside for answers. Get quiet and ask questions to receive the truest answers that are in complete resonance with you. Breathe, use mantra, trust as you sit, the sounds, smells, impressions, feelings and the inner knowing is the truth you search for. It’s time to fully let go and trust what you receive (even if it goes against all logic). As we are living in a time where answers are within the quantum field of reality.
We are all shape shifting, with the way change is a constant in our lives. Rapid energy swirling all around, the Universe asking us to step it up. Not much that we have to do or that has to be done as we are being done whether we realize it or not. Change and new we all desired, especially since we are a culture of the instant, the “I want it right here and right now.” We asked for it, we pushed it forward and now we are in it and some may not know how to handle it. Making decisions can sometimes have us feeling our judgement is clouded, where do we turn when there are so many options. Options are good, aren’t they? Except now everywhere we turn there is a new way of eating, sleeping, meditating, working, parenting, sexing, relation-shipping, who is right? who is wrong? What…
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During the Dark Night of the Soul there was a voice I heard that taunted me, it told me what it looked like to induce fear in me. It was half man and half beast, it’s feet were huge covered with long shaggy hair, it looked like a monster and if I made eye contact with the beast I could be possessed forever (or so it told me). I would try not to look, as it said “I’m standing behind the curtain, go ahead look and you will see me”. As I took a quick glance I could see the curtain bulged out and it said “don’t look down or else you will see my feet” and when I glanced it laughed like a child, saying “you can’t see me, I fooled you”. The TV was on and in trying to act normal in front of my husband as The Big Bang Theory played, me starring blankly at the screen, not hearing any word of the show because I was internally battling the beast, my internalized fear. It told me it would go into my subconcius mind and begin to bring things up that I had hidden, one by one memories, secrets, shadows that I had pushed away that caused me to feel guilt, shame and pain. Like the death of my brother in law, things I did as a young adult, as a child, my fear of spiders, addiction, sex, parenting, mistakes I made, and when I couldn’t take it any more I threatened the beast by saying I will tell my husband what was going on within my mind and the beast knowing it would loose it’s power and hold over me the moment I spoke up, reminded me what would happen if I shared and told “your husband will have a heart attack and you will have another stroke.” I began to feel my arm go numb, and my face began to droop as if the beginning of a stroke, and in my mind I agreed, ok I won’t tell. I had become a prisoner to my own fear, my ego, my lower self, a possession due to giving up my power to the part of me that thrives off my secrets, shame and guilt, that if left unattended becomes so large like a scary entity. The part that we are so afraid of facing but that will unconsciously control us like a puppet until we do.
I share this story because this feeds off of our shame, fear, guilt, our secrets that we hide but all share. Right now there is a collective death going on, the death of the Collective Ego, this part of ascension that is so painful, it’s where we loose most of our physical assets, jobs, homes, relationships, money, ideals outside of us that we made real by placing a lot of value on them. That come to the surface so we can be stripped down to the only things that truly matter. This is where old programming has to breakdown, literally! Where we will feel abandoned by God and the Ego will try to hold on for dear life, will have us doing things that seem so insane and out of character in ways that people around us may not even recognize who we are any longer because it’s not you.
If we understand this, perhaps we can have empathy and compassion towards the people in the world right now that are playing into the fear, reactions based on feeling locked up, controlled, out of control, loss, lost, scared and confused. The fight, flight, freeze survival mechanism is large at play but the more we are aware, the more we can connect to our Higher Self, the True and only Self, the more we can surrender to the process, and let go of the illusions that we made from this false world that has nothing that we need or want.
The New Earth is a new way of thinking, a shift in perception, an opportunity to thrive in a higher frequency of Quantum energy where we are no longer controlled by the puppeteer, the Ego. The 5th dimension allows for complete alignment with God, with Love and to let go of the love that we have redefined and made out of control. But now there is a connection to true, pure Love of our Soul, our higher self, our God Self, the only one Self that exists, again everything else is an illusion that we have made. Take your power back, go within, and become the alchemist of life.
There are many ways in which we can do this. Begin by being extremely curious, ask Why constantly, question everything. Journal and write your feelings out on paper. Meditate, exercise, walk outside, shut your phone down and the news off. Get still and get in touch with that part of you that wants you to grasp the opportunity to heal and rise up above the midst of all the chaos.
I was guided to share this passage from Mother Mary’s tranmission from the book “The Sophia Code: A Living Transmission from The Sophia Dragon Tribe” by Kaia Ra.
“Your destiny is designed to create a life for you that feels joyful, successful, connected, supported, loved, guided, and new – every day. Your destiny has many predetermined goals, for both your personal and planetary evolution, but remember that fulfilling your destiny is to be enjoyed as a spiral path, celebrating every unfolding petal along the way. Life, and fulfilling your destiny, is truly designed by your Oversoul to feel that good and rewarding. When you choose to follow your heart’s guidance you are rewarded with the treasures of your soul. It is up to you to access your inner resolve and commit to making this journey yourself, for it is impossible for anyone else to fulfill your destiny. Every step that you take to honor your true interests allows your Higher Self to magnetize every collaborative component of support, synchronicity, miracles, and manifestations for the success of your unfolding destiny. Everything outside of you that is positively supporting your journey is a blessing or messenger of encouragement from your Higher Self. Fulfilling your destiny is how to give and receive all the divine love you have ever wanted to experience in this lifetime. It is the story of you remembering how in love you are with yourself, as The Beloved. Fulfilling your destiny is also the story of discovering how much you love the gift of life and All of Creation. The adventure of your destiny provides the opportunity to discover that divine love in new ways, every day, for a lifetime. Your destiny was the best promise you ever made to yourself and you deserve to receive the gift of its fulfillment.”
10 Of Water- Serenity, peace, good fortune, well-being (10 is the energy of completion and firm endings of cycles, manifestation, where we experience concrete results. And water is associated with our emotions, our Heart and the way that our feelings move things along).
All is well with the world and with me. Well-being is my natural state. Everything I need comes to me easily and effortlessly. I feel joy and express it to others as I look around and see all the love that we share. I take pleasure in all I have accomplished. Whatever attention I receive or don’t receive, I am serene, for I know full well what it took for me get where I am. I celebrate myself and all who traveled the road with me and feel grateful to Spirit for being my companion always.
Twice this week I asked what do I need to know? What is the message you have for me that is for the highest and greatest good? And twice this card was given to me as a message but not just to me but to you as well. At first I hesitated in sharing as it felt insensitive and I felt guilty for feeling good, during this time when so many are feeling so far from peace and well-being. Except this is exactly where I have been and what I have been feeling. In the midst of fear, chaos and uncertainty not just on the planet but within my own home, I feel love, I feel peace and I feel so certain that everything is okay. Yes I have moments of anxiousness but they quickly pass. I am sharing this message because this is what I have been told over and over and over again by the Guides, Angels and my Higher Self. All the hours of selfcare, of going within, of self reflection, of meditation, of yoga, journaling, Self Reiki practice, all the inner work I have done and many times just wanted to give up but was told “Please Vivian don’t give up”. They promised me all this “training”, that I had been doing was with great purpose and will make sense. That we have the technology and this technology exist within us, through our breath, we are upgrading our system. That I will be able to connect with Source and feel love even in the moments that can have most spiraling out of control.
The time is now to begin. As everyone can see systems are breaking down to create new one’s. Everyone wants to go back to normal but ask yourself was our old “normal” truly working? Perhaps we can ask our future selves what would a new “normal” look and feel like for you? Can you include something new or take something out of your daily “normal” routine to bring more peace and balance into your daily life. This is the time to begin to figure out what that may look like for you and your family. With lots of love to all.
Messenger of Air- Opinions informed by experience, adherence to dogma, allegiance to a way of thinking or acting, a learned response, subconscious programming, and swift reactions or responses.
The Element of Air has to do with the mind and how we have been programmed to certain belief systems and thought patterns. The Messenger is the catalyst for change and responds to situations and the need for transformation. This holds so true for where we have been and how we are a product of this old thinking. We are now able to broaden our perspective by quickly moving, evolving and ensuring our actions are for the highest good where positive outcomes are assured. “I am reacting to a situation from my past. I have to think about whether I want to do things the old way or respond differently this time.” “I can adapt a new way of thinking and behaving.” We are truly being asked to question all that we have been taught and told right now. To be able uncover what is the truth.
This where we are now. Being asked to trust our intuitive nature, our inner guidance which can never steer us wrong. This will not always follow the path of logic, in fact we are being asked to take a spiritual approach to what is happening in our lives and sometimes that can seem impractical. When this card shows up, it is time to take risk and trust that with faith, anything is possible. Spirit will reveal the signs and symbols along the way and we just need to be open. “I am meant to experience this regardless of where I travel”. Even though it seems as though the world is coming to an end we are on this journey together and it is just beginning. Trust.
Page of Fire- Enthusiastic action, adventurousness, venturing forth, beginning a project, acting on a new idea.
I love this card as it continues to tell the story of where we are headed. The Page card represents new beginnings and change and the Fire Element is the action that we have taken that has lead us to where we are headed (the result of our actions). This card tells me that we are venturing forth to our truest desires in life that are in alignment with our true nature. We are ready to serve our highest purpose aligned with our higher selves. This will not look like what we have always done in the past or what we were told to do but truly a new beginning guided by our co-creation with Spirit. “I am finding my purpose as I take the first step into something new”.
(The Good Tarot by Colette Baron-Reid).