The attached audio is in regards to saying yes to ourselves which in turn raises our vibe, allows us to choose love and it ripples out to all around us. During these uncertain times, what I can be certain of is how I choose to perceive life and what I choose to do to help my personal growth. Sometimes not always easy to be and stay joyful but when you have a daily mindful practice, you gain more clarity on what you will no longer tolerate, create space for yourself to bring more love into your life. Your practices will become your non-negotiables and you will gain a knowing that we never do this life alone, no longer having to just rely on your own strength. Through meditation, yoga, walks, prayer, moments of expressing gratitude, journaling and choosing to say yes to self care, the insight, mental clarity, stability, well-being and balance will be gained.
We can’t be told who we are or what to do, freedom, to be free is to fly maybe that is why I connect to the sky, the birds because of the flawless flight as they soar high. Landing stopping from time to time, to tree to tree, a new experience, a new place, a new dream, does it ever stop, do we ever stop wanting, desiring…NO. So why or how did I get here? Lost for twenty something years, a young adult out on my own, then a child having a child but I still feel wild and free. Parenting, yes although books will tell us how, they don’t know who I am so how will I learn through a manual all the while having an innate way of raising another being. Feeling so much pressure to do this right. Life is not a school or at least not like any school I’ve been to. Being trained to be told what to do and how to do it, yes there are rules, laws, ways of being that society feels comfortable with but my innate knowing felt like I wanted to break all the rules, they never made sense; be good, sit still, stop laughing, be quiet, be a proper girl, Sshhhh. The more I was told this the more I pushed back so I did all I knew, I broke the rules but was good at showing face to look ” GOOD” on the outside. Behind the scenes I did and tried things that would be labeled wrong, bad, dirty. So outside I looked okay but inside society would have me feeling shame, a rotting away because I felt I created a lie.
Not so much a lie but a disguise. But now I have to be responsible, get a job, a home, I wouldn’t have it any other way and wouldn’t take any of it back but wish I took more pride instead of creating a nest of anger and resentment inside. I followed the path of the white picket fence but never felt like I fit in that perfect world (which is really not that perfect). In fact I felt so lost until I was awaken. Now realizing I had been asleep, there is a wonderful world that lies outside and within. Once I was awoken to the truth of who I always been and the girl who was once outspoken, that stood up and talked back was okay all along. That little girl who dreamed big still lives free inside me. I am her and she is me.
For over the past year my journey began when I wanted to understand what an Empath is because of my children. And I wanted to help, I wanted to fix, to heal….I dove so deep into all of it. Completely consumed by information and in the process I began to find myself. They were fine, I was not, through my projection of all my fears onto them I created distance and separation, in trying to protect them I was hurting the people I loved.
It did not fully hit until recently that the reason I have struggled with relationships my whole life from friendships, to romantic relationships to the rebellious teen and young adult self, work relationships (always choosing the same bosses and work environment). Is because I am an Empath, a highly sensitive person. The relationship I struggled with most is the one with myself. Never understanding why I felt I couldn’t handle the normal day-to-day life without feeling defeated, depleted, anger, resentment, anxiety…so much negativity but yet I was always the fun-loving girl. The one that could turn a funeral into a party, enjoyed life, took chances, was always ready to explore, said yes to having fun. And then things began to feel so hard.
My deep hurt wasn’t mine all the time, I was surrounded by love my whole life but put up a wall or at least tried to because their pain became my pain. I did everything I could to numb this pain, avoid feeling, but I still soaked it up. We are all addicted to something and although I judged other’s for theirs when you have to face your own it’s like looking the devil in the eyes. And it will make you feel like it will forever have a hold on you but once you can look yourself in the mirror and admit to your own personal demons I see you and even in my own steps to release you no matter how big or small the steps may seem it no longer can rule your life because the person who wants you to face it, is you.
During my breakdown I had episodes of traumatic memories replayed in my mind, my body, the fear was so deafening it was more than my system could take. Our moments that frighten us the most, that shake us up, that stop us are telling us something. If we don’t stop and listen, take notice and start looking within and what the people around us are showing us in those moments we lose out on life’s biggest lessons. The events in our lives are teaching us so we can grow, evolve, otherwise what is the point? Why did a love one choose to leave if we didn’t learn from their loss? Why did we experience a wake up call if it doesn’t make us ask bigger questions, of why are we here? Is there more to life than what I see or know? Do I have a bigger life’s purpose than what I am doing now? And if so what steps do I take to know that purpose?
Begin by going within, sit, stop, listen, take notice because if you have had these experiences consider yourself lucky. If you are reading this it’s because the Universe needs you to choose love and share that love with others. To be part of the much-needed uncovering, unfolding and release to know you are a light to the world and your light is needed now. And if you too are an Empath, a sensitive person and have felt like sometimes life is too much to handle, know that there is a way to make this your biggest super power, your greatest gift. I am finally at a point in my life that I love and embrace my gifts, I feel deeply and can help heal on a deep level as well. Contact me below for soul transformation healing.