The Collective Shadow

During the Dark Night of the Soul there was a voice I heard that taunted me, it told me what it looked like to induce fear in me. It was half man and half beast, it’s feet were huge covered with long shaggy hair, it looked like a monster and if I made eye contact with the beast I could be possessed forever (or so it told me). I would try not to look, as it said “I’m standing behind the curtain, go ahead look and you will see me”. As I took a quick glance I could see the curtain bulged out and it said “don’t look down or else you will see my feet” and when I glanced it laughed like a child, saying “you can’t see me, I fooled you”. The TV was on and in trying to act normal in front of my husband as The Big Bang Theory played, me starring blankly at the screen, not hearing any word of the show because I was internally battling the beast, my internalized fear. It told me it would go into my subconcius mind and begin to bring things up that I had hidden, one by one memories, secrets, shadows that I had pushed away that caused me to feel guilt, shame and pain. Like the death of my brother in law, things I did as a young adult, as a child, my fear of spiders, addiction, sex, parenting, mistakes I made, and when I couldn’t take it any more I threatened the beast by saying I will tell my husband what was going on within my mind and the beast knowing it would loose it’s power and hold over me the moment I spoke up, reminded me what would happen if I shared and told “your husband will have a heart attack and you will have another stroke.” I began to feel my arm go numb, and my face began to droop as if the beginning of a stroke, and in my mind I agreed, ok I won’t tell. I had become a prisoner to my own fear, my ego, my lower self, a possession due to giving up my power to the part of me that thrives off my secrets, shame and guilt, that if left unattended becomes so large like a scary entity. The part that we are so afraid of facing but that will unconsciously control us like a puppet until we do.

I share this story because this feeds off of our shame, fear, guilt, our secrets that we hide but all share. Right now there is a collective death going on, the death of the Collective Ego, this part of ascension that is so painful, it’s where we loose most of our physical assets, jobs, homes, relationships, money, ideals outside of us that we made real by placing a lot of value on them. That come to the surface so we can be stripped down to the only things that truly matter. This is where old programming has to breakdown, literally! Where we will feel abandoned by God and the Ego will try to hold on for dear life, will have us doing things that seem so insane and out of character in ways that people around us may not even recognize who we are any longer because it’s not you.

If we understand this, perhaps we can have empathy and compassion towards the people in the world right now that are playing into the fear, reactions based on feeling locked up, controlled, out of control, loss, lost, scared and confused. The fight, flight, freeze survival mechanism is large at play but the more we are aware, the more we can connect to our Higher Self, the True and only Self, the more we can surrender to the process, and let go of the illusions that we made from this false world that has nothing that we need or want.

The New Earth is a new way of thinking, a shift in perception, an opportunity to thrive in a higher frequency of Quantum energy where we are no longer controlled by the puppeteer, the Ego. The 5th dimension allows for complete alignment with God, with Love and to let go of the love that we have redefined and made out of control. But now there is a connection to true, pure Love of our Soul, our higher self, our God Self, the only one Self that exists, again everything else is an illusion that we have made. Take your power back, go within, and become the alchemist of life.

There are many ways in which we can do this. Begin by being extremely curious, ask Why constantly, question everything. Journal and write your feelings out on paper. Meditate, exercise, walk outside, shut your phone down and the news off. Get still and get in touch with that part of you that wants you to grasp the opportunity to heal and rise up above the midst of all the chaos.

Subconcious Beliefs

I have taken a moment to step back even more, to dive deep and do the much needed inner work, a time to really slow down (I didn’t know it was even possible to slow down even more), to be with my family, to continue to exist, be and in this beingness I have found that I am whole and complete. That despite the break from “working outside of the home”, a lot of internal work has taken place. There is no manual to life but when we connect with the true self we are our greatest guide, we can remember our truth and unlearn the beliefs that no longer hold true, no longer work for us, we tap into our intuition and allow The Universal Energy to guide us (knowing now we are the Universe).

I have felt the Universe within, the collective, the ups and downs, the sadness, anger, fear as well as the love, the expansion and through a lot of self love and radical self care have experienced the integration of the Ego, the falling away of the false belief system. Can step back and be the compassionate witness. The ascension process that I’ve heard so much about has literally played out within me from descension to working my way up. I have ascended from inner pits of hell the ultimate fear to heaven the ultimate love. I have never read the bible but my understanding is we are “it”, we are the stories, the stories being metaphors for how we ascend, how we live life, to be the co-creators, the masters of our own lives connected to source. As we all are taken on this journey through ascension there may be some fearful emotions that come up, life may be difficult, or you can ride the wave surrendering the whole way knowing all is here and showing up in your life for you to help you.

Either way, now I understand when I was told by my higher self, the highest aspect of self, my guides and Angels (which are really all layers and aspects of me, of self here to help on this journey of remembering) that I am a seed planter, a way shower, a light worker. I realize I am exactly where I need to be so I can help someone that may be a day behind me, a month, year, etc to help bring guidance and healing into their lives. Realizing with every channelled message written or spoken there is a healing frequency that comes with it. I was told I would heal with my messages, sound, color, in many different ways. But it wasn’t until my breakthrough in May that I now understand what that means. In the midst of it I was told to go to my blog, as I was in extreme fear I began to read and something amazing began to happen, I began to lift up, raise my frequency, I was wrapped in an orb of light. I was being shown part of why I am here now.

The attached audio was recorded a couple of months ago (after a lunar eclipse) but goes so perfectly with this message I am ready to share now. Since then there is so much I want to share about how I have gained so much more inner strength, feel amazing, balanced, free and joyful (and you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that has taken place, it’s like a test from the Universe to show me once I really truly love myself, have a solid consistent practice that includes Kundalini Yoga, amongst other tools and really committed to my wholeness, the outer world stuff can’t touch me, it no longer rocks me because I know the truth of who I am, my power and my worth).

Thank you for being a part of my journey. I love you! So much more to come. Exciting!!!!

Are you an Empath?

For over the past year my journey began when I wanted to understand what an Empath is because of my children. And I wanted to help, I wanted to fix, to heal….I dove so deep into all of it. Completely consumed by information and in the process I began to find myself. They were fine, I was not, through my projection of all my fears onto them I created distance and separation, in trying to protect them I was hurting the people I loved.

It did not fully hit until recently that the reason I have struggled with relationships my whole life from friendships, to romantic relationships to the rebellious teen and young adult self, work relationships (always choosing the same bosses and work environment). Is because I am an Empath, a highly sensitive person. The relationship I struggled with most is the one with myself. Never understanding why I felt I couldn’t handle the normal day-to-day life without feeling defeated, depleted, anger, resentment, anxiety…so much negativity but yet I was always the fun-loving girl. The one that could turn a funeral into a party, enjoyed life, took chances, was always ready to explore, said yes to having fun. And then things began to feel so hard.

My deep hurt wasn’t mine all the time, I was surrounded by love my whole life but put up a wall or at least tried to because their pain became my pain. I did everything I could to numb this pain, avoid feeling, but I still soaked it up. We are all addicted to something and although I judged other’s for theirs when you have to face your own it’s like looking the devil in the eyes. And it will make you feel like it will forever have a hold on you but once you can look yourself in the mirror and admit to your own personal demons I see you and even in my own steps to release you no matter how big or small the steps may seem it no longer can rule your life because the person who wants you to face it, is you.

During my breakdown I had episodes of traumatic memories replayed in my mind, my body, the fear was so deafening it was more than my system could take. Our moments that frighten us the most, that shake us up, that stop us are telling us something. If we don’t stop and listen, take notice and start looking within and what the people around us are showing us in those moments we lose out on life’s biggest lessons. The events in our lives are teaching us so we can grow, evolve, otherwise what is the point? Why did a love one choose to leave if we didn’t learn from their loss? Why did we experience a wake up call if it doesn’t make us ask bigger questions, of why are we here? Is there more to life than what I see or know? Do I have a bigger life’s purpose than what I am doing now? And if so what steps do I take to know that purpose?

Begin by going within, sit, stop, listen, take notice because if you have had these experiences consider yourself lucky. If you are reading this it’s because the Universe needs you to choose love and share that love with others. To be part of the much-needed uncovering, unfolding and release to know you are a light to the world and your light is needed now. And if you too are an Empath, a sensitive person and have felt like sometimes life is too much to handle, know that there is a way to make this your biggest super power, your greatest gift. I am finally at a point in my life that I love and embrace my gifts, I feel deeply and can help heal on a deep level as well. Contact me below for soul transformation healing.